Test Pattern #10

American Horror Story (Season 1) - This show is ridiculous in the best way. The Harmons move to Los Angeles from the East Coast in order to get a fresh start after Dr. Harmon is caught cheating and Vivien suffers a miscarriage. They move into a large home that unbeknownst to them has quite a history of horrendous murders and suicides. They also have no idea that anyone who dies in the house becomes a ghost that cannot leave the premises. There's a ghost rape and a notorious rubber man, a snoopy bitch neighbor, and lots of guest stars.

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 17) - Oh boy! The first All-Star season, so we see the return of Allison (probably my favorite contestant of all-time) and sweet country Laura from the short season. Without giving anything away, there was also a huge surprise ending where one finalist may have leaked something online before the end of the season was aired, causing all kinds of internet controversy and speculation.

Boardwalk Empire (Season 2) - This season improves on an already impressive debut. Jimmy is setting himself up to challenge Nucky's authority, turning even brothers against each other. Michael Shannon's character is losing his mind even more. Margaret faces all kinds of trials, and finds herself seeking forgiveness from her Irish family and absolution from the Catholic Church.

Bored to Death (Season 3) - Sadly this was the last season of the adventures of Jonathan (Jason Schwartzmann), Ray (Zach Galifinakis), and George (Ted Danson). Really nothing different from the previous two seasons...still lots of white wine and weed, and bumbling but usually successful detective work. Jonathan learns that his father is not his biological father and that he is the product of a sperm bank. George has to deal with his daughter's engagement to a man nearly his age. Ray continues to struggle with Leah, but enjoys his baby.

Dexter (Season 6) - For most of this season, I was pretty thrilled to learn that there will probably only be two more seasons. The formula has gotten quite tedious, and this season had some serious WTF moments.  The first part of the season has Dexter exploring religion with his Reverend friend played by Mos Def. Simultaneously, the Doomsday Killer develops with a Professor of Religion (Edward James Olmos) and his former student (Colin Hanks) putting together tableaus from Revelations to bring on the "End of Times". The last moment of the season is a serious cliffhanger, so I am actually excited about the next season, despite the rest of this horrible plot.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (Seasons 1-3, 7) - I had previously seen most of Season 6, and enjoyed Season 7 enough to warrant going back to watch the earlier episodes that I had never seen. The Gang is twins Dennis & Dee, and their friends Mac and Charlie. Danny DeVito joins the cast as Frank for Season 2. In general the episodes are not serialized, but there are jokes or characters that are returned to periodically to the delight of a regular viewer, but not crucial to the storyline. The humor is dark and pretty much a 20 minute episode will feature one or more character behaving badly. Highlights for me are "Charlie Got Molested", "Sweet Dee's Dating a Retarded Person", and the more recent "The Gang Goes to the Jersey Shore."

Skins (UK) (Season 4) - This season features the conclusion of the group that hangs with Effy. Effy herself becomes even more vapid and unsympathetic, despite her mental illness issues. The love triangle between her, Cook, and Freddie is also finally resolved. Emily and her girlfriend Naomi have major drama all season. JJ dates a girl with a kid. Katie and Thomas mostly bumble around all season, but have a little affair between them...which is still better than Pandora because I barely remember her from the season.

the Voice (Season 1) - So I'm realizing that I can stomach certain kinds of reality shows, but there definitely needs to be a competition element. What sets the Voice apart from the other singing competitions is that it has a lot more heart. The judges may tease each other, but they genuinely seem to like one another and they refrain from talking much shit to the contestants. I like the opening episodes of the "blind auditions", but I also enjoyed the showier performances that happen later in the season. I'm looking forward to Season 2 to hopefully watch with some friends.

Test Pattern #8

Boardwalk Empire (Season 1) - Exciting drama about Prohibition-era Atlantic City. Corruption and crime abound. Nucky Thompson is played by Steve Buscemi, and he basically runs the town. He starts a romance with a woman involved in the Temperance Club, only after dumping his Ziegfeld Follies dancer, the wonderfully pouty and often naked Paz de la Huerta. Other key characters are Jimmy and his common law wife. Jimmy befriends a youngish Al Capone, but that ultimately cause more trouble than expected.

Bored to Death (Season 2) - Jonathan (Jason Schwartzmann) is still totally adorable and charming. George gets diagnosed with cancer and starts an affair with his doctor, plus has to deal with the ever-changing media landscape making magazines obsolete. Ray gets dumped, but finds a cult following for his comics. This show is like popcorn...or whatever this hipster equivalent of popcorn is...

Eastbound & Down (Season 1 & 2) - A pretty funny series about Kenny Powers, a has-been professional baseball player trying to get back into the Majors. The first season is much stronger, focusing on Kenny's return home (onto his brother's couch) and trying to win back his high school sweetheart. By season 2, we have ended up in Mexico, battling depression and taking the local team for granted. I also could do with seeing less of Stevie in the future.

Game of Thrones (Season 1) - Love this shit! It has all the nudity and sleaze of Rome, but with much more compelling stories about families, feuds, mythical creatures, impending doom, etc. So far most of the drama deals with the Stark family and their rivals the Lannisters. The families were on friendly turns until an incest secret is discovered by a young Stark and the King of the Seven Kingdoms dies. There is also a crazy storyline with the Targaryen siblings seeking to reclaim the kingdom that the believe rightfully belonged to their father. The sister is married off to a savage leader and becomes the Khaleesi, and is probably my favorite character at the moment. However, Peter Dinklage's Tyrian Lannister is also a treat to watch. Dragons! Cannot believe I have to wait to watch more of this.

the Killing (Season 1) - This adaptation of a Danish show starts off very Twin Peak-ish but without the humor. Rosie Larsen is a seemingly good girl, but perhaps with some dark secrets. Her murder sets off an investigation that goes from the government, a Islamic community, and mob ties. Some complain about the amount of grieving we see the family doing, but I didn't mind that aspect. What's more frustrating is the amount of red herrings, and the notoriously unresolved ending. (Apparently that's being addressed early next season). I'm really into Holder, the former junkie white homeboy sidekick, and hope that his character isn't too simplified in the way that the finale may indicate. Rather than being angry about the ending, I'm looking forward to next season, and kinda hope Rosie's case never gets solved in a gesture towards reality.

Sopranos (Season 1) - A huge blind spot in my television watching, especially considering how many other HBO series I have seen. After season 1, I'm hooked. I like Tony as the sorta sensitive mobster, who maybe often fears for his life, but still commits enough heinous crimes to be interesting. His wife Carmela is amazing at not taking shit from anyone. I also really like Christopher and his girlfriend Adrianna. So much tension about who is going to get offed!

Treme (Season 2) - Why do I keep watching this show? Basically nothing really happens and still too much of each episode is taken up by music. In fact, in this season, so many of the plotlines revolve around individuals starting bands or trying to write songs. Janette is still my favorite, but she's mostly in New York this season. Big Chief is depressed. Sofia is being a huge rebellious brat. Some really terrible shit happens to LaDonna. Toni is still working cases. There's another key death this season, but how I wish more things would happen..

Test Pattern #6

America's Next Top Model (Cycle 15) - The high fashion cycle! (all though apparently cycle 16 will be a high fashion cycle). This cycle was good for all of the weirdos...big boobs Ester, spunky lesbian Kayla, the beautiful but shy Kendall, but there was never a doubt that the gangly awkward Ann would win the whole thing...I hope there's a little more tension next round.

Bored to Death (Season 1) - Hipster detective stories. I really like Jason Schwartzman. I think he's cute and weird and endearing. I've never really had a crush on him before, but this show makes it really hard to avoid. Basically "Jonathan" puts out a craigslist ad, offering his unprofessional detective services and occasionally people respond. He's also recently dumped and suffers from drinking too much white wine. Zach Galifinakis is enjoyable as is Ted Danson.

Caprica (Season 1) - Caprica was never going to be as good as the show it spun off from (Battlestar Galactica) but the season got kinda fucked by taking a long hiatus in the middle. This is the story of how cylons came into existence, but also features a heavy plotline focused on virtual reality. The religious differences between the colonies are more apparent than ever, and much drama stems from a fundamentalist monotheist group. There's a lot conceptually that could have worked for the show, but I have to admit that I got bored after a while, and I guess everyone else did too because it's been cancelled.

Dexter (Season 5) - Julia Stiles looks like a Cabbage Patch doll. I seriously got tired if seeing her every episode because she's not a good actor either. While I don't think this season was anywhere near the greatness of season 4, I did appreciate the break from the usual plot pattern.

Louie (Season 1) - Famously, I am known for not being into jokes and stand-up, so I was quite surprised to find myself enjoying Louis CK's new show. It helps that most of the twenty minute episodes are in skit format, and that Louis does a great job with self-deprecation and being a sympathetic slob.

Mad Men (Season 4) - The smaller version of Sterling Cooper was doing just fine, then the primary account, Lucky Strike decides to discontinue business. Of course this news hits everyone hard. Meanwhile, Don is dealing with being a divorcee and pursues a couple relationships. Betty continues to be a bitch. Peggy continues to be successful at her job, but less so in her personal life. Her friendship with Don is interesting and complex. Joan is back and I am worried for her for next season. The true star of the fourth season is Sally. She's approaching adolescence, the child of a broken home, and confused about the world. Every episode that featured her was a treat. For a more professional take on the show, read this article by Daniel Mendelsohn that just came out today.

Sons of Anarchy (Season 3) - Jax and his crew need to rescue his son from the IRA and somehow protect Gemma from ATF for a crime she didn't commit. I think this season spent way too much time in Ireland, but I am happy to see some characters meet their violent ends. Jax, Opie, and some of the more peace-oriented guys seem to be backing down from that position. It will be interesting to see if the action is upped next season.

Ugly Betty (Seasons 1-4) - While in Argentina on vacation, I got hooked on Betty Suarez and her great family and snotty work friends. This show had never really been on my radar before, but as something on in English to watch before going out..the best. After vacation, I had to watch the whole series. So melodramatic with the most ridiculous plots imaginable, but it's too hard not to love what you see here.